freak boys

one and the same

I approached you at Panda Express because you looked like you'd make a good father. You had that 50s Hollywood smoke you don't see no more, but I jus' said tryna get like you bro and typed my name into your phone. Dudes bond over lifting things. Muscle is armor we forge to spite our humanity, but we trade dap between sets, new bench PR so froyo on the way home, cheeks drippin' sun and sweat, and the yogurt gods smilin' down. I'm Buddhist. So I tell you the gods of fortune have joined us, and it's sorta racist if you disagree. We race it out on the treadmills. Then, at the pool I hook my arm around you while you swipe Hinge. I tell you Alyssa is bad because you asked. As brothers, it's gay to speak dearly. So instead we flame each other; our banter fucks for us. As blokes, it's queer to love freely. But your mother hugs you from behind; your father agrees you'd make a good one. Summer blushes like you at dinner. Upstairs, you foist your comics onto me and reply zaddy to my reels. We stockpile carbs and protein at Panda, and our Love grows hypertrophically. At home, I read Vagabond Definitive Edition while you snooze on my chest. I make us cacio e pepe at four a.m. I race you in technicolor at Yosemite, and at night we wrestle in our tent under the tapestry of our dreams. … Guido, you are sunlight and I moon. Your intelligence is kinesthetic, and mine verbal. You don't know what a gestalt is but I do, it is us.

The gods of fortune have joined us. So we have a threesome with Alyssa.

Alyssa—that smoke-less bitch—isn't there.

Kismet. Your breath is piquantsweet like orange chicken. Your eyes are mooned like the lake at Yosemite where we flexed and the pool at the gym where we made out. My stamina is auspiciously good. My Buddhism is pure except when I'm inside you: Straining molten into muscles that we built together. Glazing shreds that make Hinge waifs wet their screens.

Moan.

As freak boys, it's vain to shield our hearts. But your armor comes off for me.

I hit your spot raw like a bench PR. Like a good daddy.

I make you shoot wet ribbons over your abs. And shaft Brando down your 50s Hollywood throat.

Rapturous, the gestalt of our love. Our enlightened bodies like a godstar: Ichorously plastered. The gods of fortune joined as one.

Judgment. At dawn, our sun and moon share the sky. … Bello. I touch your face how I longed to the first time.

I brace your shaking thighs, and I am nothing. And I am no one.

Solace in the promise of death; though, in life, I could never leave you lonesome.

As boys, we cast the armor, and from what is real the monk need not detach. Need not forebode the love when vagabonds meet; forgo the bliss of holding you like you might ever slip away. … Dawn's rays bless the lakefront where we raced: and how benighted rings Elysium to the sight of home. Your nephews on Christmas reply unc to our reels. And we take them out to froyo. And the yogurt gods smile down. And in your sun, lightness fears you are only a dream. … Ill returned, a life exalted and alone. That ward of distance now orphan, now worthless without the armor.

Without the fortune of you—knowing me; loving what no man has ever seen.

"And he'll do white rice, double teriyaki. Thanks."

Squeeze. "Babe move, you're holdin' up tha line."

Wince.

With a gayness, I nurse my fat ass cheek. Lob a smile at the muñeca scooping my rice.

A glimpse of golden-boy smoke in my periphery:

Twinkish giggles at crotch-height, stifling glee.

You sergeant your nephews toward the register, arch a brow. Smells of Panda 'Merica and Yule. My nose sleuths fatherly musk, and you clock my dumb grin; cop a fortune cookie, a feel, as I sidle beside you. Sprezzatura an' pressed skin. The sun-blessed ease of us, like breathin'. Like lovin', before we learned to spite our humanity. Wink. Platoons of mini Buddhas arrest us—and by the gods, I've already got you alone. Honeymooned in swollen arms. Full homo, 'cause I'm tryna get with you bro. … Match your lightness, your freak; and know we're more than a dream: Sunlight and moon. One and the same.